Realizing Maniuplators Never Quit…

A close family member is an emotional & financial manipulator. The fact that I am still trying to protect them shows me that I still have work to do.

They lost a loved one & asked me to be there for them, which I have been. I check on them every day, pray for them & I have assisted them in finding a new place to live.

I understand that suffering a loss in addition to moving is extremely stressful. But there is only so much I, one person, can do.

According to this family member, no one else in the family knows that they’re moving NOR that they lost a loved one. Sounds strange, right? I phrase it that way because I’ve caught this person in so many lies & half-truths that span over decades. I don’t know what is true & what isn’t. So, it’s all on me, allegedly.

Today, I paid the moving company a deposit over the phone on their behalf. I then called them to reassure them that it was done. (I didn’t even get a thank you!)

I felt myself becoming very angry & defensive because they then tried to manipulate me into paying for half of their moving/transport expenses. They didn’t ask if the money was in my budget, instead they told me I had agreed to it previously.

I immediately pushed back, because there’s no way that I would have done that. My exact words were, “I will help you out.”

They loudly (this person is always very loud; it’s another intimidation tactic) & emphatically stated no, I did say I would pay half. They didn’t even entertain the notion that they could have misremembered.

So…let me get this straight, I am to believe that I am so brain-addled & ditzy that I don’t recall offering to pay half of someone else’s expenses, INCLUDING the deposit? Because that equals me paying for the majority of their moving expenses.

An awkward silence hovered between the phone lines, followed by disappointed & dramatic sighs, & feet shuffling across the wood laminate floor on their end. This was them giving me a chance to change my mind.

I didn’t. I won’t lie, it felt strange; a part of me just wanted to say okay, okay, I’ll do it to banish the tension. But I knew I couldn’t do that. I’d done that too many times before.

I informed them that I had errands to run and work to do. They continued to tell me about all the packing they still had to do (I offered to help with that too!)

Here’s the thing: this dysfunction has gone on all my life, literally decades, & I am tired. I am tired of feeling like I could be taken advantage of at any moment, I am tired of this person telling me what I did & did not say, what I feel & think. I am pissed at myself for letting it go on for so long.

But I am glad that I stuck to my guns. This person has THREE incomes. I only offered to help with SOME expenses as a kind gesture.

I accept that they’ll never change, but I will & I will continue to do so because it’s for MY highest good. I will continue to heal & put myself first to the chagrin of that person & others who have abused my kindness.

I owe it to myself because I’ve short-changed myself so many times over the years.

Their reign is over.