On Love & Other Things
Recently, I discovered and fell in love with the characters on CBS’ “Elementary” — an updated version of the Sherlock Holmes series. I know, I know, I’m late.
First of all, love love love Jonny Lee Miller’s Sherlock, the man is a treasure! And Lucy Liu is not only beautiful but such a complimentary Watson to this version of Holmes. Their chemistry shines, and you can tell they really like and respect each other.
Watson’s & Holmes’ love for one another is decidedly platonic but no less sweet and satisfying to watch (especially in the current times of hypersexualization, visual assault via random nudity on social media, and our overall fascination with the physical). I remember when he named a species of bee after her, when his father stopped paying her salary and he covered it, when she wanted to adopt a baby, he told her that though he wasn’t crazy about kids, she was worth the sacrifices necessary to create a healthy safe home for a child.
There are many more instances I cannot name right now, but the sincerity, and heartwarmingly pure and wholesome quality of their loving friendship connected with my inner romantic.
In fact, it got me thinking about my own life and expectations of love.
In an unforeseen and complicated chain of events, I’m more hopeful than ever about what the future holds for me. I’ve had the chance to look back at the past and release certain traumatic experiences while appreciating the good times with those who weren’t meant to be part of my future. I’ve also learned to stop asking when and begun to develop gratitude for the things I’ve been able to do in this solitary season of my life.
I’ve earned another degree and started two businesses; one of them is actually profitable and I’m building the second one. I’m a self-published author and firmly, bravely, determinedly in my second career.
I’ve given my tender heart the chance to heal, I found a great therapist who has helped me make sense of madness & dysfunction. I found my voice, and sometimes when I hear a new persuasive passion in me that sometimes takes those closest to me aback. I’ve learned to stand up for what I believe in. I am everything, in these aspects, that I never thought I could be; who knew I had those things inside of me, that the qualities that I always admired in other women, were within my own personal grasp?
The realizations make me emotional because I’m experiencing a deeper, richer level of fulfillment. I mean, I did it and I am doing it and that is monumental for someone who grappled with the incessant fear of failure and feelings of inadequacy since childhood. My overactive writer’s imagination always came up with the worst scenarios, but reality’s been quite different. I love the woman I’m becoming and that I am creating a legacy for myself, that I get to define.
Self-love and loving what you do are underrated. In fact, if self-love eludes you, it follows that the true love you yearn for will as well.
Time alone is not a blank space to be marked by anxiety and fear and waiting but to explore the depths of your soul and life, to reflect and create, to heal. It is precious and limited and is to be treated as such.
Love is love is love is love. Soak it in and appreciate it in all its lovely forms and levels.
-Agena Jessica Diamond is a feminist, woman in progress and author of “The Black Woman’s Truth Movement Part 1: Fractured Identity” https://www.amazon.com/Agena-Jessica-Diamond/e/B09MDT8WKP
