In Healing, Consider the Source

I used to feel like I was outnumbered because I was surrounded by a lot of people who believed in ‘tough love’.

You know the type — when you’re coming off a bad breakup, they tell you to choose better, or they give you a laundry list of things to work on, which is an insidious way to shift blame.

Or when you finally get the courage to open up about something traumatic, they matter-of-factly tell you to leave the past in the past or flat out say “Get over it.”

Or one of the lowest of the low, the ones that proclaim that you provoked abuse? Yeah, those people have a special place in hell.

I used to get so hurt and confused. A sense of rejection would set in, which then brought in panic which led to people pleasing. But that’s another story for another day.

I’ve always had a lot of heart and sometimes an overabundance of empathy for emotional pain; hence my confusion. It was one of my first life lessons; everyone’s not the same.

I used to think, how can you be so uncaring, so mean? How can you not see what is right & what is wrong?

But then I learned to take a closer look at the person & consider the source.

Let’s start easy; perhaps they had a hard go of it themselves and figured hey, no one helped me, so muddle through it like I did. This is sad but it happens.

Or maybe they are bogged down by their problems and don’t have the proper conflict resolution skills, therefore, they are unable to focus on what’s going on with someone else. I could understand that; you never know what’s going on behind closed doors.

I could give those two categories a pass.

But in this prolific age of digital information (statistics, camera footage & real-life experiences), enlightenment & sharing, one can hardly use the excuse of doubting the veracity of another person’s claims. It’s lazy, intellectually dishonest & yes, immoral in some instances.

The truth is this: some people simply refuse to accept exactly what human beings are capable of due to their own biases & misplaced sympathies.

Luckily, now I know how those types of people operate & accept them for who they are. It’s been very freeing; an emotional weight has been lifted.

I no longer care what they think. They are uniformed & how they got there is not my concern.

I no longer have the energy to be outraged by their behavior. I’ve learned to focus on myself and my healing journey. Maybe that was the point all along?

Feel free to share your experiences if any of this resonates with you.